Bad Hams Only
by Caitlin-Chan
Summary: No one knows exactly what the Bad Hams are up to, but even though the Ham-Hams have no idea what's going on, they have got to prepare for the attack!
1. Mike's Orders

With the Bad Hams...  
  
Number 1 walked into the TV room of the Bad Hams Place. "What're ya watchin'?" he questioned. "Just flippin' through channels," Number 4 replied. "I'm the only one in here."  
Number 1 nodded. "Mind if I watch with ya?" he inquired. "Nope," Number 4 remarked. He made room for Number 1 on the couch as he sat down. "Wanna watch football?" he asked Number 1. "Oh, yeah!" Number 1 exclaimed. "That's what I came down to watch!"  
As the two Bad Hams watched football, other Bad Hams joined them. Stella trudged to the door of the TV room and asked, "I thought y'all were supposed to help on planning Mike's plan and check out the city."  
The Bad Hams looked toward Stella and nodded. "We're 'supposed' to," Number 14 remarked, "but Mike didn't say, 'DO IT NOW OR I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!' He always says it like that." The rest of the Bad Hams nodded again.  
Stella thought a minute about how Mike gave his orders. "Such a loud voice from such a cute guy," she mumbled. "Thank you," a voice said from behind Stella. "Yes," Mike muttered, "what problem do you have with my voice? Oh, I am cute, thank you."  
The Bad Hams tried to all cram behind the couch. They pushed out Number 14, whom said the comment about Mike's voice. "Do you have a problem?" Mike questioned. Number 14 remarked, "Well, I know we're supposed to help ya on your next plan-" "Exactly!" he yelled. "You're supposed to be in the city! Not here watching football!"  
Number 14 turned pale. Mike demanded, "DO IT NOW OR I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD! AND NO DELAYS!" The Bad Hams immediately stood in attention and shouted, "Yes, sir!" Mike snapped his fingers and continued, "I want you to..."  
The Bad Hams stood in attention as Mike gave his orders. "Is that clear?" Mike inquired. "Yes, sir," the Bad Hams said in unison as they walked out of the Bad Hams Place in Number order. 


	2. Inside the City

As soon as they were outside, the Bad Hams rushed toward the city. "First stop is the convenience store!" Number 1 yelled to the rest of the Bad Hams. "Then the eyeglass store!"  
When they approached the convenience store, the Bad Hams rushed in as fast as the human eye could see into it. Howdy's owner, Goldie, was at the cash register in the convenience store. And on her shoulder was Howdy. "Come on in, folks!" Goldie hollered to everyone who came in. Howdy jumped off of her shoulder and looked around. He had seen something enter the store.  
"Howdy!" Goldie said when he jumped off. "Time to go back to your carrier!" Howdy sighed as she picked him up and put him in his carrier. When Goldie went back to the front of the store, Howdy got out of his carrier. "I'd seen somethin'," he mumbled to himself.  
Howdy ran back to the counter where he'd seen something. He hopped down from the counter and went around the aisles. As if out of nowhere, Howdy saw a display fall. "NO!" he yelled as he rushed over. No one was there when the display had fallen.  
Suddenly he saw something in Aisle Four. Howdy ran as fast as he could possibly run toward it. Then he saw who was causing the destruction of the displays...the Bad Hams. Howdy gasped when he saw them and they saw him. He tried to run, but the Bad Hams had caught him before he could run away.  
"Let go of me!" Howdy demanded when the Bad Hams had caught him. "I'm innocent!" Number 7 held onto Howdy as the rest of the Bad Hams knocked the displays down. Goldie was trying to find who or what was causing the destruction. "Come out!" she yelled. Customers ran out of the store in fear that something would fall on them. "I said, come out!" she shouted again.  
The Bad Hams stopped suddenly and threw Howdy down. They rushed out of the store before Howdy realized it. He raced to Goldie in panic. "Howdy, what're you doin' out?" she asked. She picked him up and asked, "Did you see them?" The Bad Hams! Howdy thought panickly.  
  
Meanwhile with the Bad Hams...  
  
The Bad Hams continued on to next door where the eyeglass shop was. No one was in the eyeglass shop at the time. There wasn't even Dexter's owner at the front. Only Dexter was in the eyeglass shop.  
Dexter was fixing his bow tie in front of a mirror on the counter. "Pashmina loves you, Dexter," he said proudly to himself. "No wonder you're the most stylish Ham-Ham of all..." Dexter looked around the eyeglass shop for anyone. Something caught his eye when it came hastily racing into the shop.  
"Hmm," Dexter said and turned back around toward the mirror. Then when he heard eyeglasses fall off their displays, Dexter yelled, "Stop it, whoever you are!" He jumped down off the counter and rushed to where the eyeglasses had fallen. "There's no one here," Dexter mumbled.  
As if out of nowhere, something seized Dexter from behind. He screamed and yelled, "Who are you?!" When the Bad Hams stepped in front of him, Dexter turned pale. "What do you want?" he demanded. The Bad Hams grinned as they closed in on Dexter. "NO!" he screamed as they started to strike him.  
After ten minutes, the Bad Hams left. Dexter was left sprawled on the floor alone. He had a few bruises on him and his bow tie was just strips of cloth. Dexter laid unmoving to make sure they had gone. Even though it'd been a few minutes, he couldn't get up.  
"Dexter!" a voice said from the door of the eyeglass shop. Howdy was the speaker. With him, he had Hamtaro, Boss, Bijou, and Caitlin. "What happened to you, Dexter?" Caitlin asked. "They must've come here, too," Bijou acknowledged.  
Dexter sat upward and said, "They came and just beat me up..." "Why?" Hamtaro inquired. "For fun," Dexter replied and pointed to the display that had fallen. "There's something with this," Boss muttered. "They want something. Was Mike or Stella with them?" "No!" Howdy and Dexter remarked in unison.  
Hamtaro thought a minute. "I think," he said, "we need to warn Maxwell before they go over there." "Right!" the Ham-Hams replied in perfect harmony.  
When they got over to Maxwell's owner's book store, the Bad Hams hadn't been there yet. The Ham-Hams went to the back of the store where Maxwell's carrier was. Maxwell, Sandy, and Stan were there. "Yo, Ham- Hams!" Stan shouted. "Whatcha doin'?"  
Howdy and Dexter explained the situation about the Bad Hams. Maxwell nodded and said, "Maybe we should go to the few hamster stores that we've got in this city." The Ham-Hams nodded and started toward the hamster part of the city. 


	3. Discussing the Bad Hams

With the Bad Hams...  
  
The Bad Hams just arrived at the hamster part of the city. They moved through stores like a snake sneaking up on its prey. The Bad Hams didn't steal anything or anyone. All they did was destruction.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
The Ham-Hams arrived in the hamster part of the city. "Oh my," Bijou whispered when they saw graffiti on the ground. "That wasn't there yesterday." "We need someone to patrol this place," Sandy said, "so they can stop the Bad Hams before the city's in destruction." "Mike's got a plan in this," Boss said, "and it's probably something about world domination. What if they go to the clubhouse?"  
Boss paused and thought a minute. "That's right," Hamtaro remarked. "One of us will have to watch the clubhouse." "I'm not," Boss replied. "Even though it's my home, I'm not being caught there when the Bad Hams come. Jingle will watch it. And he's not going to that music club tonight. It was cancelled."  
Maxwell nodded and rejoined, "Then you and Caitlin will have to stay here and patrol." Caitlin remarked, "That's better than the clubhouse. I'm not being caught there either." "But it's dangerous in the city, too," he remarked.  
Boss looked at Caitlin and said, "You sure you don't wanna just stay home 'cause I can do this by myself." "I'm sure, Boss," Caitlin responded.  
Hamtaro glanced around and said, "You probably should find them and follow them." "OK," Caitlin answered. "That's easy." Boss nodded and muttered, "We just do that now?"  
The Ham-Hams nodded. Boss sighed and peered toward Caitlin. "Let's go!" she said. Boss sighed again and thought, I really don't wanna do this...  
  
With the Bad Hams...  
  
The Bad Hams continued through the city. "When should we get near the hamster part?" Number 2 asked Number 1. "Oh, about night, when we can do us some mugging." (That's just evil.)  
The mob continued through stores and markets. The Bad Hams tore down displays outside and inside stores, they beat up any hamsters they saw, and they sometimes even robbed hamsters. There were no police hamsters in the human part of city, but there were some in the hamster part. 


	4. Finding the Bad Hams

With Caitlin and Boss...  
  
Caitlin walked beside Boss as they searched for signs of the Bad Hams. "I dunno about this, Caitlin," he mumbled. "You should stay home." "But you're not staying at the clubhouse!" Caitlin shouted. "So I stay with you!"  
Boss sighed and gave in. "OK, I'll do this with ya," he muttered. "Just don't get us killed." "You know that I'm a spy?" she questioned. "Just don't worry about it." "I forgot," Boss replied.  
The two walked around the city for two hours. "No sign of the Bad Hams," Caitlin remarked. "Uh-huh," Boss said and pointed to a hamster store. "There they are!"  
Caitlin and Boss raced to the store. It looked like the end of the world inside. In the back of the store were the Bad Hams tearing everying down. The shopkeeper was behind the counter watching the destruction. In the shopkeeper's paw was her phone which was calling the police.  
"Hello? 911," the operator said. "Emergency!" the shopkeeper yelled. "The Bad Hams are in my store destroying everything!" "Hold on a minute," the operator replied. "Someone will be there in a jippy."  
Caitlin turned toward Boss. "You've got to stop them!" she shouted. He turned pale and looked in the store. "If I had Hamtaro or someone to back me up that's not a girl, I would," Boss replied. Caitlin flamed and yelled, "What the heck's wrong with a girl?!"  
Suddenly, the Bad Hams turned toward the door. "I said not to get us killed!" Boss shouted at Caitlin. "It's not my fault!" she returned. The two turned toward the Bad Hams and knew what they were thinking. He muttered, "Let's get rollin', Caitlin, 'cause they're after us now!"  
When Boss said that, the Bad Hams sprung at them. Caitlin pulled at Boss's paw and yelled, "Let's go!" "Caitlin," Boss muttered, "let's give them a real fight." Caitlin turned pale. "I thought 'let's get rollin' ' meant we were going to run!" Boss shook his head and yelled, "Just come and get me!"  
Suddenly, a police siren came on. The Bad Hams stopped and ran down a dark alley. A police officer came up to the store and asked the store keeper some questions. Boss and Caitlin rushed into the dark alley the Bad Hams disappeared in. "Where could they go down here?" Caitlin questioned Boss as she hugged him. Boss pushed her away and whispered, "Shh, you need to be quiet."  
Boss looked around and inquired, "Have you seen a sign of them yet?" "No," Caitlin replied. "But now I do!" "Wha?" he questioned as he turned around. There was the Bad Hams circled around them tightly. "Oh...," Caitlin whispered as she clinged to Boss. He growled as the Bad Hams closed in on the two of them.  
"Get away," he growled as the Bad Hams stepped closer. "Don't touch her...or I will rip all of you to shreds..." "Oh, really?" Number 1 retorted as he stood in front of Boss. "Don't touch her or I'll rip you to shreds..." he repeated. "Oh, I'm so scared," he mocked as he snapped his fingers.  
The Bad Hams lunged at Boss as Caitlin ran away. "EEK!" she screamed as she pressed up against the wall of the alley. "Boss!" Caitlin tried to spot him underneath the Bad Hams, but all she could see was a mass of darkness atop of Boss. He struggled to squeeze out from underneath the massive weight as the Bad Hams pounded on him. 


	5. Boss and Caitlin Return to the Clubhouse

At the clubhouse about an hour later...  
  
Hamtaro and the Ham-Hams sat around the table talking. "What are the Bad Hams doing?" he questioned everyone. They all shrugged as they continued conversing.  
Suddenly the door flew open. Boss and Caitlin came through with bruises on them. She was holding her ribbons for her pigtails in her paws as she steamed. Boss steamed, too, as they shouted, "We demand satisfaction!" "What happened?" Sandy asked.  
Caitlin explained, "Well, we were doin' what we were supposed to, and suddenly the Bad Hams go down a dark alley. Boss drags me into that stupid place, and then we get beaten up!" "Yeah, but I didn't drag her into that alley!" Boss shouted.  
Hamtaro looked at them and remarked, "I think we all need to protect our homes, otherwise we won't have any homes!" "Yeah!" the Ham-Hams shouted. Jingle glanced around at everyone and thought, I am not staying here with Boss protecting this place... He got up from the table and walked over to the door. Boss glared at him and muttered, "And where do you think you're goin'?" "Uh, the music club-" Jingle started, but Boss shouted, "You are not leavin', Jingle! You're either gonna stay here, or Caitlin can stay here and you can go over to her place and protect it!" "I'll do the second choice!" Jingle shouted as he ran out of the door.  
Right after that, everyone went home to their homes to protect them. Hamtaro made Brandy ready for attacks from Bad Hams as he untied his leash and told him what was happening. Even though Hamtaro wasn't sure, he thought that Brandy understood what was happening. Oxnard helped Hamtaro get Brandy ready. "Can he also protect my house?" he questioned. "I think that will be too much on Brandy," Hamtaro replied. "Stay up all night, and we'll be able to go to bed in the morning." "OK, Hamtaro. You're the sage," Oxnard rejoined.  
Pashmina helped Penelope get ready for any Bad Hams and blocked all passage ways into her house. "In the morning, you can move these obstacles," she told the baby Ham-Ham as she climbed into her cage. "Ookyoo," Penelope responded as she rushed into her sleep house.  
Sandy and Stan both stationed themselves in their cages. Sandy tied the door close with her ribbons while Stan used fluff bedding to block the door of his sleep house. "Just in case the Bad Hams come," Sandy whispered to herself.  
Cappy hid under numerous pans and caps. "I hope those Bad Hams don't find me," he whispered. 


	6. Alone Inside the Clubhouse

Boss and Caitlin both paced around the clubhouse as they thought of what passageways to block off. Snoozer slept on the main table as he snored, "Stay in here...there's lots of places to hide..." Boss bolted the main entrance's door and locked his bedroom door with his shovel. "I don't know 'bout this...," Caitlin whispered as she and Boss sat down at the table.  
Contiguesly the lights went out. Caitlin screamed while Boss jumped up. "Oh, dern it...," Boss whispered as she clung to him. "It's them," Caitlin announced loudly. Immediately they heard the main entrance door trying to be opened. "Heck...," Boss whispered as he tried to get his shovel, but he also heard the doornob on the door that it was locking trying to be opened. Boss and Caitlin next heard the front door unlock as the doornob turned. Boss seized Caitlin and practically dragged her up the stairs inside the clubhouse. "Hide up here," Boss whispered as she got behind the couch. "OK," Caitlin replied as he ran to get his shovel.  
Boss ran down the stairs and toward his shovel. He clutched it in his paws and pulled it away from the door. The main entrance door and his bedroom door opened immediately as he dove under the table. Boss heard the whispering voices and footsteps of the Bad Hams as they looked around the clubhouse. The thugs seemed to have night vision, and obviously Mike and Stella weren't with them because Mike would've started talking immediately.  
When the voices seemed to stop and he thought they were gone, Boss tried to get out from underneath the table. And he realized he was wrong when he thought that the Bad Hams were gone because he was looking straight up at them. Panic struck Boss as he jolted past them and out the door.  
Surprisingly, Boss noticed, they stayed inside the clubhouse. They didn't he even move in his direction as he stopped right outside the clubhouse. Boss thought the Bad Hams would never find Caitlin where he hid her, so we went on and ran outside of the tunnel. 


	7. Running Into Jingle and Someone Else

There was darkness all around as the overflowed river rapaged. Boss ran all the way to the human bridge that crossed the river and crossed it. "I hope they don't find Caitlin," he whispered as he raced deeper into the park until he was lost. "Oh no...," Boss murmured as he looked around.  
Instantaneously something appeared from behind the tree. It caught Boss's eye as he glared at it. "Oh, crud, it's them...," he whispered as they peeked around the tree. Boss raised his shovel into the air, hollered a few curses, and charged toward them.  
"No!" a voice very familiar shouted. Boss couldn't stop, so he finally collided into the newly unknown being. After a moment of being on the ground, the voice spoke to Boss. "Why did you do that?" it questioned.  
Boss sat upward and looked in front of him. There was Jingle. He would have never guessed Jingle would be outside.  
"But, Jingle, why are you out here?" Boss questioned. "OK, I'll admit it, I was trying to escape to go to the music club," Jingle admitted. "What?!" Boss scolded. "Why, you!" As Jingle was about to get up, Boss pulled him back down and got him into a headlock. "OUCHICHI!" Jingle screamed.  
Suddenly a figure appeared in the darkness. "Silly boys," it said as it approached the two. Jingle tried to get out of Boss's grip, but Boss was occupied with the new company. He gripped his shovel and demanded, "Show yourself."  
Instantaneously a girl with a black head until halfway past her eyes with black, spiked pigtails with lime green ribbons appeared in front of him. She looked at them and whispered, "Hashaa, hammo. Lokchi!" "Huh?" Jingle inquired. "What does that mean?"  
The girl Ham batted her eyes at him and whispered, "Budda-dubba moso lokchi b-chu." "I'm sorry, but I do not understand," Jingle responded. "I do not speak that language." "Emocku," she rejoined. "That means I understand. I was cursing you previously. When we first met, I said, 'Hello, friend. Darn!.' " "Oh, OK," Boss replied.  
She looked up at him and whispered, "You shan't be around here at this time." "Why?" Boss inquired. "I shall tell you the truth," the girl Ham acknowledged. "You are standing in front of the most fearless Ham gal for miles, except for maybe Stella. I am the Bad Ham Gal."  
Jingle looked at Boss and muttered, "I knew it! She was speaking Bad Ham Chat." "Yeah," Boss whispered as the Bad Ham Gal looked up at him. "I'll let you go this time," she remarked. "But next time, you're mine. The Bad Hams are about to sneak up behind you two, so I want you to go to Caitlin's home and be safe. No one will find you two there." With that, the Bad Ham Gal disappeared into the darkness of the night. 


	8. The End of the Night

"I wonder who that was?" Boss asked as he glanced at Jingle. "I guess we had better do what she said." "Uh-huh," Jingle responded as the two Ham boys ran all the way to Caitlin's house. They didn't even bother knock as they rushed in and bolted the door.  
Caitlin appeared in front of them. "What do you think you're doing? Busting into your girlfriend's house with your friend?" she scolded. "Sorry, Caitlin," Boss apoligized. "Just the Bad Ham Gal told us to come here."  
Caitlin smiled grimly as she said, "Oh?" "Yes, she did," Jingle replied. She continued smiling as she adjusted her purple ribbons. "I see," Caitlin rejoined. "Make yourselves at home here." "OK!" Boss and Jingle said in unison.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
The Bad Hams looked desperately around the whole park for any Ham- Hams. "Where is that girl?" Number 1 muttered. "Dunno," Number 2 answered. "Cait just disappeared without us." "Stupid Bad Ham Gal," Number 1 critisized as they continued looking through the night.  
Once the sun began to rise in the east, the Bad Hams reluctantly went back to the Bad Hams Place. Mike was waiting eagerly for them as they approached. "Bad Hams!" he screamed. "You didn't bring me back a Ham- Ham!" "That's was Cait's job, but she disappeared!" Number 1 explained. "Well, I have a question, Number 1," Number 3 announced. "Why didn't you let us go after that one Ham-Ham that ran out of the clubhouse and escaped? You made us just stand there and watch!"  
Mike glared at Number 1 and said, "And, that is true?" "YES!" the rest of the Bad Hams shouted. Number 1 glanced around and looked for support, but everyone seemed to be against him. With that, Number 1 stomped away from the scene and left the Bad Hams Place disgusted.  
Number 1 walked all the way to the river where he saw Caitlin washing lime green ribbons (uh...........). "Cait!" he yelled at her as she looked at him. "What, sir?" she asked. "Where is our Ham-Ham? You never brought them to us!" he scolded. "Uh, that was my job? I thought it was yours!" Caitlin responded.  
Immediately Boss saw Number 1 talking to Caitlin. He ran over there and shouted, "Hey, get away from her!" Number 1 glared at him and then at Caitlin and muttered, "So, that's what is the most important on the most important night, BHG?" With that, he left.  
Boss watched Number 1 as he left. Caitlin looked at her lime green ribbons and hid them in her paws. "What does BHG stand for?" Boss interrogated. "I don't know," Caitlin whispered as she looked down at her ribbons. "The Ham-Hams told me they're fine," Boss acknowledged. "Just a little tired since they couldn't sleep last night." "That's OK...," Caitlin murmured as she gripped her lime green ribbons. I think I might have to tell Boss the truth one of these days..., she thought. He'll find out eventually that I'm the Half Ham-Ham, Half Bad Ham Gal.  
  
THE END FOR NOW 


End file.
